Moving on - The Fool

Song of the Day:
"Lackluster" - Saliva

I'm still trying to adjust, but it's hard. I can't seem to picture life ahead of me when I'm still feeling the way that I do. I'm walking around, talking to people, hearing their sympathetic words about how I'm better off this way, and how I'll find someone that returns my love 100%, and who won't leave me because things get rough. They all say the same things, and I just silently nod without even listening.

I know what they're saying. I know what they're thinking. I know they're probably right.

But in the end, when you love someone, knowing all those things just doesn't matter. You come to the point in your own sorrow where you just don't care anymore. If you could get back that one piece of happiness you had with that someone you love, you'd do anything for it. Even destroy yourself.

I know a lot of things.

I know that the break-up isn't completely set in stone.
I know that it's on pause while she thinks things through and finds out what she wants.
I know her feelings for her ex is the cause of all this.
I know that as soon as her ex leaves town after the weekend, she'll call me.
I know I'll be a fool and do whatever she tells me to do.
And I know that I shouldn't.

But as I said; in the end it doesn't matter what you know. All that matters is that you love.

For now I'll just spend the weekend alone. Got no real big plans, besides a date with the PlayStation and a bag of chips. Maybe I'll spam the forums, looking for some intelligent conversation with some random idiot, just to get my mind off things. Had I remembered, I would've bought some beers when I was in town. Maybe I still will, if I feel like walking all the way there and back again.

And then, on Monday, I've got work again. Another thing to keep my mind off things. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things go after that. Maybe I just need to focus on things, one day at a time, one hour at a time. Looking too far ahead might just scare me. And I really don't need that right now.

Though, honestly, right now I don't know what I need.

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