Song of the Day:
"So I need you" - 3 Doors Down
I went to see her today, and talk to her.
I've been thinking so long now, trying to see what went wrong here. I've considered the possibility that I was the idiot, and thought that through. I've seen it all from every angle my mind is capable of seeing, and now I'm done thinking.
For once in my life, I'm not the one at fault. I am an idiot, yes, but not the idiot that messed this up. I did try to fix things, but there is only so much I can do on my own. So I went to talk to her, and tell her how I felt and how things were. I told her how she had been treating me, both as a lover and a friend, during all of this, and I told her that I was tired of being the only one fighting. I have always given 140% of myself to her, and received nothing in return.. And now I am finally tired of it. I can't stretch any longer now. If she want things to work, even as friends, then it's up to her now. The effort must be made on her side, for once.
I told her I still love her, always will, and that I'll always be there for her no matter what, and that she knows where to find me if she needs me. And then I left.
I've done what I can now. I've played all my cards, put them down in front of her, so now I can't do anything but sit back and wait. See if I'm worth that effort from her side. If she cares enough to actually fight for me.
I have no idea if I am, to be honest... I don't know what she feels, or what goes through her head. I thought I knew. I thought I had seen the real her. But, obviously, she proved me wrong during these weeks. I've yet to see her true face. She has always been good with masks, it's her favourite game, so you never know which one she's hiding behind. And I don't know which mask she tried to show me today..
Right now, all I can do is try to move life forward and see what happens.
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