End of the Week - New one ahead

Song of the Day:
"Breathe" - Freak Kitchen

It has been a long day, and a lot of thinking. The entire weekend have given me a lot of room to think, and right now I feel like I am standing on the edge of something. I'm not sure wether it is a good or a bad thing, or if I should jump or not. All I know is that I am staring down at something that is now ahead of me. And it's difficult. My inside is chaos. I feel like I can't trust my head to tell me what's right and what's wrong, but I obviously can't trust my heart either as it led me down this path where I got so badly hurt in the first place. It's confusing.

I do know that I shouldn't be the fool. When that phone rings next week, I shouldn't just drop whatever's in my hands and come running like the idiot that I am. I need to learn to put some barriers down and say no, for my own sake. I know, no matter how much I want it to be different, the two of us aren't meant to be that way. All I earn from it is pain, and it leads me down a path that destroys me every time.
But it's easier to tell myself this when I am all alone, with just my thoughts and feelings, then to put the words into action when she is in front of me. I will always be a fool for her...

Maybe, in the end, we're better off as friends, if I can keep it on a friendly level. I might be able to live with things that way, as long as she doesn't go back to that damned ex of hers. If she allows him to take her again, it'll break me. He is not a good man, never have been and never will be. But she, just like me, is a fool. And fools never look before they leap...

I wish I could stop being that fool. I want to step into a new part of my path and become the magician instead. I want to take these new ideas and dreams that I have, and make reality from them. I want to take these bricks of mine and build my new home, properly, instead of just dreaming up a skycastle that will eventually fall down when the wind gets too strong. Can I do that?

It is the end of the weekend, and I've had the worst week ever. I don't want to relive that for anything in the world. I have no idea what next week'll bring me, but I am crossing my fingers and hoping for good things. I could certainly need something good in my life right about now. Now that my life has fallen apart, maybe it's time to rebuild and make something better. I'm set on that thought right now, at least, and I hope I'll still be set on it tomorrow morning.

Life goes on, or so I've heard.

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