Blogging - Endings and Beginnings

Song of the Day:
"Loser" - 3 Doors Down

It seems as though blogs are becoming very popular, so I thought I'd give it a try.. I'm not really one to share things with the world, but I thought I could try and get better on that by starting an anonymous blog.

What inspired this?
Well, my entire world as I know it collapsed on me today. Someone I thought I'd share the rest of my life with decided it would be best for us to just be friend. After all these years, and all the things we've shared, this certainly was the last thing I wished for. The pain I'm feeling now is beyond anything I've ever felt before... I'm going to be honest and say that the first thing that came to mind there and then was that my life was over. I lost everything of meaning to me, so why go on living? But I am no idiot. I know life goes on even if you lose the ones you love. But, the thought of going back to just being friends after this is beyond painful. I just don't know if I can do it, truth be told.

The worst part is that there's less than a week since we were talking about such things as getting married, and having children. Mostly just small chatter, but there was a tone of seriousness in it. And yes, I really did feel like there could become reality of these small words. I actually wanted to get married... Had even looked at some wedding-rings, just for fun.
And now this...

I have always feared that I would eventually be abandoned, but lately that thought had disappeared more and more, and I actually thought this could last. So when I am standing here now, looking at a closed door that one I love have exited, I really feel like I won't survive this. I sat there a long time, in front of the door, and just cried. I cried until I was empty. Then I cried some more...

Now I'm just wondering how I am supposed to get through this. A thousand thoughts whirls around in my head. Should I leave town? Start over somewhere else? Should I try to disappear? Drop off the radar of my old life? Should I tear apart the wrinkled paper in front of me, and get out some new and blank sheets? Everything going through my head is about tearing down what's already there, to build up something new. Natural thoughts for someone like me. Getting out new bricks when the old ones are getting broken and the building is falling apart.

That door. It is still closed. Should I dare go through it? Or should I turn my back at it and find another door? Right now, I honestly do not know.

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