Song of the Day:
"Around the World" - ATC
Damn, I've had a really long and hard day today.
I've been back and forth for 1 and a half hour trying to get some blood samples taken from me. The doctor I originally visited turned me down, despite the urgency of my case, so I had to go somewhere else and get help. In the end, after a lot of waiting and driving back and forth, I ended up at the lab at the hospital where they took my blood samples. So those will be shipped off and I might get a result in a couple of weeks. Fingers crossed!
And all this was straight after work. -.-;
I'm pretty beat, to be honest. I can feel that I'm not 100% well these days, cause it doesn't take much before I'm out of energy. All of this back and forth and stress over those blood samples really made me feel like I've been running around the entire day without pause. >.<;
Though, honestly, I don't think I am sick. I think my body would've told me so if I was, and it haven't. It's feeling iffy, yes, but that's mostly because I've been so depressed lately. And I'm doing a lot better now.
I've been thinking a lot. Last night before I went to sleep, this morning on the way to work, and all day at work. A LOT of thinking.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm tired of fighting. I've done what I can, I've said what can be said, and I've made such a big effort, so now it's just not up to me anymore. If she wants things to work out, on a friendly level, it's up to her now. I've fought all that I can, and now I can't fight anymore. I'm tired of being the only one fighting.
And if she won't do it, then she doesn't care for me as much as she claimed and I hoped. A part of me wants to believe that she really cares, but if she doesn't then there's nothing I can do about that. I just have to find a way to make life go on and try to ignore how much I care about her. Eventually I'll be able to move on, hopefully.
Right now I'm in a pretty good spot. Had a good day at work, a lot of joking around with the other workers, and it made me feel better about things. Okay, so I'm alone right now, but if I'm truly meant to be alone for the rest of my life then I suppose fate would have placed me someplace in Sahara or something. :P And I know that I am protected and guarded. I gots my people around me, so I'm not gonna let this be the death of me.
Also, I've started my training again. Just small moments here and there, but I AM training my abilities. I think I can really get them up on a decent level if I just keep at it. I'm gonna try and get some training in every night before I go to bed, and then I'll see where that takes me. Who knows, it might even help me develop further than I thought possible. It certainly gives me a bit of an energy boost to train like this.
And I'm gonna try and see if I can find some decent roleplayers that can put together a D&D party so I can get into some real gaming again. That would certainly help on a lot of levels.
So yeah, good day so far today, and I hope this keeps up.
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