Going numb

Song of the Day:
"Signal Fire" - Snow Patrol

I'm in so much pain, I've started to go numb.

I sit and stare out the window, seeing a beautiful weather outside and an entire world filled with all sorts of things, and I'm not even sad anymore. It's just some hollow emptiness, a numbness taking over the pain that has driven me for so long.

Everything's on automatic.

I get up early, spend all of my day working on the computer, making food if I get too hungry, and stare out that window. And I can't even feel anything anymore. It's just distance... Like I am sitting on the outside of the world, looking in through stained glass-windows. It's not my world, not my home. I don't belong there. So why should I even bother entering..?

I've started cutting my ties. Staying away from certain online sites where I know my life will catch up to me, and not contacting anyone at all. I've started ignoring the texts that tick in on my phone, and soon I'll come to the point where I won't even answer the phone when it rings. I'll just be dead to the world.

It's a world that doesn't need me.

It's a world where the one thing worth living for is beyond my reach, and I am left being dependent on the one person that allows me just a small hint of it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I can't stand it...

I can't keep this up anymore.

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