Mar 11, 2010

Song of the Day:
"So Magical" - ATC

I'm back on that edge again, that I've been trying to avoid for so many years. I am clinging on with every ounce of my strength, trying not to fall, and now I am stuck in between standing on the edge and falling off it.

It could go either way now, though I doubt I'll be able to pull myself up this time... I've never been this far over this edge before, and I'm afraid that I'll actually fall this time. That this is it for me.

No, that's a lie...
I'm not afraid that I might fall.

I already know that I'll fall, cause I'll eventually let go of that edge and just give in. Surrender to it all... And then, I'll be gone.

I already know.

The days pass by me, and I am standing on the sideline and just watching the world as it moves passed me. I am an empty doll, a mask covering my face.

I wear the mask whenever I step outside my own home. Every time I meet someone, talk to someone. Every time I answer my phone, or text someone. All the time... I'm behind this mask. No one knows. And no one will ever know. How could I ever tell anyone..?

I am getting good at pretending that everything's alright, and that I am managing. I'm good with the fake smiles, and the laughter. I'm not letting anyone worry...

Nobody will ever know.

No one will ever save me.

I'll face this end all by myself, like I always do.
All alone.

*

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