I'm tired of living...
Can't I just quit this now?
Oct 29, 2009
Oct 18, 2009
Lonely world
Song of the Night:
"Dark Side of the Moon (Piano Mix)" - Dune
I'm sitting alone on a saturday night, drinking beer and surfing the internet, and I realize how lonely I really am. It hits me like something that stings deep inside my stomach, and it makes it difficult to breathe.
I'm just staring at my screen now, unsure of how to react. I've felt this a couple of times these past weeks/months, but right now it's worse than usual, and I can see it for what it is. I'm really, really lonely. And it hurts.
I guess I'm just not meant for this world.
*
"Dark Side of the Moon (Piano Mix)" - Dune
I'm sitting alone on a saturday night, drinking beer and surfing the internet, and I realize how lonely I really am. It hits me like something that stings deep inside my stomach, and it makes it difficult to breathe.
I'm just staring at my screen now, unsure of how to react. I've felt this a couple of times these past weeks/months, but right now it's worse than usual, and I can see it for what it is. I'm really, really lonely. And it hurts.
I guess I'm just not meant for this world.
*
Oct 17, 2009
Falling, falling, falling...
Song of the Day:
"Falls on Me" - Fuel
I'm still bitter. And it hurts. I catch myself staring out into the air, looking at nothing in particular, and just hurting inside. I want to move on, put this behind me, forget about everything, and just go back to at least that friendly level where we could talk to eachother. But no matter how hard I try, I just can't. And it's making me bitter, and depressed.
I guess I just feel so wronged in all of this. I feel like she didn't take any responsibility for the things she did. Like all she did was just run away from everything and leave me to clean up the mess. And that's extremely painful... How can she expect me to take responsibility for this mess, when she was the one who made it in the first place?
I dunno...
I'm just feeling really down right now.
We haven't talked in a while. She's not making any contact, of course, and I just don't feel like it's up to me to take that first step. I'm too tired and too hurt to make that effort. And I suppose she can't be bothered to do so herself.
So this is how things'll slowly end between us, is what I'm thinking. It's so damned painful, and it makes me hurt so effin' bad inside that I can't even cry. I just sit here and stare at the air, wishing things were different.
Maybe it's better this way? I know I'll always love her, and I know she won't ever feel the same, and just being friends and watching her spend her life with someone else would just kill me. So, in the end, maybe this is better.. I don't know. I guess I'm just hanging on to those small threads that I find, hoping that it'll help me survive.
I really got no other choice.
*
"Falls on Me" - Fuel
I'm still bitter. And it hurts. I catch myself staring out into the air, looking at nothing in particular, and just hurting inside. I want to move on, put this behind me, forget about everything, and just go back to at least that friendly level where we could talk to eachother. But no matter how hard I try, I just can't. And it's making me bitter, and depressed.
I guess I just feel so wronged in all of this. I feel like she didn't take any responsibility for the things she did. Like all she did was just run away from everything and leave me to clean up the mess. And that's extremely painful... How can she expect me to take responsibility for this mess, when she was the one who made it in the first place?
I dunno...
I'm just feeling really down right now.
We haven't talked in a while. She's not making any contact, of course, and I just don't feel like it's up to me to take that first step. I'm too tired and too hurt to make that effort. And I suppose she can't be bothered to do so herself.
So this is how things'll slowly end between us, is what I'm thinking. It's so damned painful, and it makes me hurt so effin' bad inside that I can't even cry. I just sit here and stare at the air, wishing things were different.
Maybe it's better this way? I know I'll always love her, and I know she won't ever feel the same, and just being friends and watching her spend her life with someone else would just kill me. So, in the end, maybe this is better.. I don't know. I guess I'm just hanging on to those small threads that I find, hoping that it'll help me survive.
I really got no other choice.
*
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