Been a while..

It's been a long while since I managed to sit down and write anything in here, but there are reasons for that...

I can't be honest. I can't even admit to myself how things are, so how am I supposed to be able to write it all down? I am hiding behind this mask of mine, pretending things are good, and refusing to see the reality in things. I am closing off the world, and living inside my own.

I've been living with my ex for several months now. She basically ordered me to it, cause no one dared leave me on my own when things got so damned bad. They wanted to get me submitted again, but I refused. So I've been staying with her... It's really not a good solution, but it was the only one at the time. And for so long I've just been pretending that everything was good as long as I had her around. But I know this isn't good. She's growing tired, from taking care of both her kid and me, as well as everything else she needs to do. Sure, I help around the house and look after her kid, but in the end I'm just taking up way too much of her time and energy.

I am in the way, and I need to leave. Soon.

I've been looking at new apartments now, cause I'm moving out of the old one. It was too far away from town, which were a bad thing with my health being what it is. But, finding a new place to live, fast, isn't easy. They're all so expensive, and I have no money. And the ones that aren't expensive are so small that I can hardly fit my right foot in there. How am I supposed to fix this..?

I don't know.

All I know is that I am in need of a solution, and I am in need of it quick. I can't keep living on top of my ex like this, for way too many reasons. She's getting tired, and my entire inside is hurting from keeping things inside me the way I am. I just don't know what to do to find that damned solution...

I just wish something good could come my way soon.
After everything, I need it so very badly...